The Legend Grows...

History is full of influential people. From Jesus (?), to Martin Luther King, and now Paris Hilton and the Kardashians. The world needs people like this...

Which is why I wanted to tell you the story about someone who has flown under the radar. He has shied away from the camera, working methodically to make the world a better place...kind of like a modern day Batman (except doesn't talk funny with a nocturnal suit on...looking at you Cristian Bale...looking at you...stop ruining a good thing and go back to putting too much gel in your hair, killing hookers and running around naked with a chainsaw. You were good then).

I'd like to introduce you, my loyal friends, to Cornelious Keggerton. The byproduct of an orgy gone aray, involving Tom Selleck, Chuck Norris and John Wayne, Cornelious was predestined for Greatness (side note - Tim Tebow, contrary to popular believe, was not a part of this orgy. And if he was, he would've screwed it all up, because he is a douche. Queerbag thinks he is a NFL player now. Guess what buddy? God takes Sunday's off. No more of this Saturday bullshit. Not too good when you're on your own, huh? Maybe you would throw the ball a bitter harder if you didn't have all that excess virginity behind it...but I digress, this sounds like to should be a separate blog post).

Cornelious's first lover

Cornelious, shortly after being delivered in the middle of the Amazon by his mother, Whoopi Goldberg, was then released into the wild to be raised by  an elder group of wolves. He became family, friends, and even lovers with the woodland creatures. (another side note - sure, he banged out a few bears. But, let me ask you this...ever seen what a female bear does to a male bear if she doesn't get hers? His sexual performance had life/death on the line, and he delivered. 3 times in a hour, according to myth. Which lead to the first known instance of a bear smoking. (Ok, how about everytime I use parenthesis, you can just assume its a side note. Deal? Deal. Cornelious' first love making session with a bear is believed to have spawned, what is known as of today, a Kanye West. This can neither be confirmed nor denied at this time...and that ends my side note within a side note. This is becoming more confusing than the movie Inception)).

To be continued....