The Legend Grows...

History is full of influential people. From Jesus (?), to Martin Luther King, and now Paris Hilton and the Kardashians. The world needs people like this...

Which is why I wanted to tell you the story about someone who has flown under the radar. He has shied away from the camera, working methodically to make the world a better place...kind of like a modern day Batman (except doesn't talk funny with a nocturnal suit on...looking at you Cristian Bale...looking at you...stop ruining a good thing and go back to putting too much gel in your hair, killing hookers and running around naked with a chainsaw. You were good then).

I'd like to introduce you, my loyal friends, to Cornelious Keggerton. The byproduct of an orgy gone aray, involving Tom Selleck, Chuck Norris and John Wayne, Cornelious was predestined for Greatness (side note - Tim Tebow, contrary to popular believe, was not a part of this orgy. And if he was, he would've screwed it all up, because he is a douche. Queerbag thinks he is a NFL player now. Guess what buddy? God takes Sunday's off. No more of this Saturday bullshit. Not too good when you're on your own, huh? Maybe you would throw the ball a bitter harder if you didn't have all that excess virginity behind it...but I digress, this sounds like to should be a separate blog post).

Cornelious's first lover

Cornelious, shortly after being delivered in the middle of the Amazon by his mother, Whoopi Goldberg, was then released into the wild to be raised by  an elder group of wolves. He became family, friends, and even lovers with the woodland creatures. (another side note - sure, he banged out a few bears. But, let me ask you this...ever seen what a female bear does to a male bear if she doesn't get hers? His sexual performance had life/death on the line, and he delivered. 3 times in a hour, according to myth. Which lead to the first known instance of a bear smoking. (Ok, how about everytime I use parenthesis, you can just assume its a side note. Deal? Deal. Cornelious' first love making session with a bear is believed to have spawned, what is known as of today, a Kanye West. This can neither be confirmed nor denied at this time...and that ends my side note within a side note. This is becoming more confusing than the movie Inception)).

To be continued....

2012 is Starting to Make Sense...

Last night I visited what could be described best as a popular "hole in the wall" bar called Pretzels for about a hour. Usually, you see some drunk rednecks or sleazy, unkept women here...which is honestly part of the fun. All in all, makes you sometimes want to bathe yourself in sanitizer and jump into an over sized condom before walking in the door.

So here I am, expecting the worst, when much to my surprise I see the lowest of lows stumble through the door. A young kid, drugged out of his mind on pills and whatever else, barely able to even keep his jacket and pants on as he trys to speak to random guests in a slurred, unrecognizable speech...

All I could think was...does our higher power have some sort of natural selection for these kinds of people? Are we predestined to become what we are? Did this kid even have a choice?

Why is our society so hell-bent on self-destruction, and then complain and start wars over lack of productivity and advancement? How can we fault a woman for promoting her beliefs and sticking to her values when half of America is busy turning into a race of zombie druggies and drunks? And the white trash assholes who degrade women political candidates and African-American presidents are the same people who can't raise a child responsibly, beat their wives and sink into an unproductive breed of worthless flesh.

Do we have control over this as individuals? I'd like to think we can control certain aspects of our destiny, but ultimately our higher power built us with unique parts to differentiate ourselves in positive ways. It's a shame most of these parts are wasted by negativity and ignorance.

It's sad to see this media-focused world becoming more powerful by the day as we all lose our creativity and individuallity. Concerns over Kate Gosselin and Brangelina now cloud the headlines instead of the positive, heartfelt stories that happen throughout the world each and every day. No wonder people resort to hate and drugs when they can't know any better...how about we all start with ourselves and our loved ones, focus on the important things in life and the rest will follow suit. Be an example for someone else.

Amazing how one young, junkie redneck can represent everything wrong in the world...

-Dave

From the beginning...

Throughout time there having been many amazing and unexplainable feats of acts. We have had the human race being created, the invention of the toilet, midgets, Chuck Norris, and of course the snuggie. But there is only one amazing, unexplainable, and justly the greatest thing this world has ever produce. Yes thats right I am talking about The Arrhythimia. The creation of this site alone has outdone Benjamin Franklin, salt walter taffy, merry-go-rounds, and who could ever forget Tom Sellecks' mustache... Selleck Jr. There once was a time when people would have to look at the news for what is going on in the world, but as we all know the news started to get political and would only show their bias opinions to the world as if this was a communist country and must follow what they said. Then this created other prominent news sources changing their thinking so that a monopoly wouldn't be formed. I mean who really wants to know about famous celebrities having babies then naming them off of stuff they see on cereal boxes. I feel like the news should work like Pandora. It takes things we are interested in and find similarities in other stories. For instance, if i enjoy hearing about mustaches or fighter planes made out of biceps then I would only want to hear about one or the other or possibly fighter jets made out of biceps with mustaches. I just saw a story on the news about vultures annoying a community in Florida. Well Florida is full of old people, hence complaining. Let the old people have their own news dedicated to complaints, racism, heartfelt stories that they have often forgot about not even 5 minutes after saying or hearing them, and of course Matlock episode secrets. The best part about this is we can now use all the commercials that are on late at night and redirect them the this channel. That means AARP, any medication, prune juice, and emergency devices to wear around your neck in case you fall; All would be on this channel.

I would like to think of this blog as a prominent news source that will bring you startling information to better your life or to waste it away. Either way I will end this the same way I end sex.
Your Welcome.

The Arrhythmia - Thoughts and Occurrences from the Lives of Dave Evans & Seve Hewitt

WELCOME


Seve and I have decided to share our thoughts, views and lifestyle through this magical "blog" tool. Wish I would say we had a real, heartfelt goal here...but I think boredom has finally kicked in just enough for us to start something we've always kind of kicked around.

Are things going to get graphic? More than likely. Will we make horrible, awful decisions? You bet. All in all, it should be a wild ride that you will want to be a part of.

So buckle up! Brace yourselves...and live vicariously through the mindfuck that is our daily lives.

-Dave